A dark day

    I don't generally like to unload on the web, but at the same time I find it to be relieving, to just, be real. So here is a little bit of history.
    In my youth I was a great liar, and unfortunately that was the case. Sometimes it got me in trouble but other times it didn't. It was soo easy for me to do it that after awhile, I didn't even realize I was doing it. Its pretty bad when you come to that point in your life. Luckily I became a Christian young, and God changed my life. When I had become a Christian, my life changed dramatically, but as I grew comfortable with my faith and who I was I slipped slowly into hypocrisy. Don't get me wrong, I didn't lie all the time but, people didn't know who I really was, and that is again an awful place to be. When you finally start to show your true colors, people start to either accept you or reject you. I got a little bit of both.
   My point to this story is, always be honest, cause in the end, lies only get you pain and hardship, lack of trust and bitterness. Being a Christian now for a few years, has in the last year brought me to a place where the truth is soo very important.
  Sometimes though, the truth hurts soo much more then a lie, but this doesn't mean that you should ever lie, it just means there is a payment for past sins.....
  Which leads to todays title, "A dark day", I told the truth, and it hurt the person I love, so deeply it is killing her, literally. watching her in this way, and knowing that I caused it, is soo very painful for me. But in all reality, I deserve this pain......she doesn't. My foolishness has cost us soo very much and I now wonder how long will this last. If you're thinking that I cheated on her, I didn't. But I have a bad habit that is destructive like alcohol, drugs or porn.
I almost wish I could take it back, if it weren't for this being the right thing to do. Unfortunately, I put us in this place.   All I can d0, is change. I love her so much, how can I not try to change for her?
Sometimes the truth hurts, but if God can work in me, then greater love, trust and hope can come from this. It is truly my deep regret that I have been soo selfish in past years. that now it is hurting my girlfriend. Please pray for her, for she is soo amazing, she doesn't deserve me at all, but I know she's the one, and so I must fight for God and for her. I apologize for being so, chaotic. But I had to. bbl